1 1

Because being number 1 can be lonely.

I guess I lost another ahia too, but losing him was less painful since I've been gradually losing him for the past 5 years. Sure, he's still walking the streets of the 3rd planet from the sun, but he barely exist to me. The friendship's no longer the same, or maybe, I just placed more value on it than he did ever since. I suppose some things just end.

I'll remember the first 4 years of the friendship, the good times, but the silent years, I could do away with. You've never seen me that way, and I trusted you too much. I loved you as my best guy friend, but not anymore. Why continue lying to myself, hoping that somehow in your "busy" schedule, you could at least pretend to care.

I was wrong to hope that things didn't change.

I shed my share of tears for Ahia Lablab, but for you, it just doesn't seem worth it.

Regrets and 5-day late realizations

My cousin died on the morning of December 8, 2009.

The tears arrived late.

I miss you, Ahia Lablab. You would have made an amazing IM doctor. Can't believe you just passed the board last February.

I'm sorry I didn't get to see you when you were here. Now, you no longer know pain and suffering. I'll bawi when I see you again real soon. I'm looking forward to it, hia.

Wish/Savings List/Goal

Materialism is very un-Christian-like since we should not invest in things of the earth but instead in heavenly things because what is here and now will tarnish and fade, but what is above will be perfect forever.

Every time a friend asks me what I want for birthday or Christmas, I'm always stumped. At that very moment, I can't think of anything I desire. It's weird. I don't know if I just have short-term memory loss or I'm too contented. Leeching off others is not an admirable characteristic so unless someone offers, I dare not ask.

I'm not soooo un-human that I don't like things. I mean I do, but I tend to forget, so for my brain's sake, I just wanted to jot down a couple of stuff I want to buy, not for you to go out and look for them, but for me to save up for them. Of course, your donations would be highly appreciated. hahaha I hope God doesn't hate me too much for wanting such things.

Let's start with the simple stuff...

1. Sunglasses
Aviator or other unique shades. Believe it or not, I don't own a single pair so I'm always borrowing others, be it JK or Rudolph. Oh, and shutter and other ridiculously useless shades are out of the question.

2. Brown or Black Leather Boots
1.5 inch heels or less and the cut should be around 3 inches above the ankle. Simple, cute, and versatile.

3. Lose a whole lot of weight
Au natural. Change eating habits and move more... cardio more. Ugh... anything but jogging. I need to lose a lot, and it's actually not some anorexic attempt. I just need to lower my BMI to normal levels. Sooooo unhealthy right now.

4. Black Leather Jacket
It keeps clothes interesting.

5. BB Gun
Whether it be a pistol or rifle, I don't mind. It would give me a (false) sense of security. A real gun is too expensive and dangerous. Maybe next time.

6. LiveStrong band
Lance Armstrong's band represent those battling cancer. Many people wearing it probably don't even know what it stands for. They just bought it because it was part of some fadding fad. I want to buy one because it's actually related to what I do, and that band would help remind me who would benefit from that research. That the long nights in the lab weren't for a hopeless cause.

7. Condo
I love living in the South. Like Pastor Nathan said, there's a breeze here, and I love the serenity living here brings. You breathe less polluted air, and it's far from the extreme hustle and bustle that the "city" brings. It's relatively safer since I live in a village within a village, but the travel time from UP to my house is unbearable especially since I have to commute. Sometimes I leave school at 9 and get home at nearly midnight, so I want to get a condo or apartment somewhere in Makati or Ortigas, so it's somehow equidistant from UP and home. Either that or temporarily live in a condo/dorm in Diliman. But the Makati confo is my goal. That and a house here in the South, so I can come home every weekend and enjoy the wondrous joy living here brings.

8. Car
A Lamborghini or Ferrari would be my total dream, but that might be too "maluho", so on to my next dream, Chevrolet Camaro (decked out Bumblebee-style) or Mazda MX-5. *drools* This worldliness is getting to me. LOL Actually, for starters, I just want a simple car that can run, is very fuel-efficient or non-fuel dependent at all (all for the green revolution), and has a functional radio and air-con. I'd need this when I travel from north to south during weekends. haha

9. Laser
Hair removal. Waxing and plucking are such hassles. LOL Sorry, I'm so disgusting. :))

10. Bleach
My arms have suffered years of sun-exposure due to all the outdoorsy studies and semi-hikes being a Biology undergrad student brings, so my arms (and legs - slight haha) have be brutally sacrificed. The color of my appendages are 4 shades darker than my back. o.o Fine, I need to lighten my face too. First line of defense ba naman sa sun. :|

11. Chromosome 1 Shirt
It's being offered by Science.org and I want it sooooo bad. My geekiness is calling out to it. The shirt's like more than 1000php plus shipping so I can't exactly afford it, and it wouldn't be right to spend so much on just a shirt, so if someone happens to be in the US and find it, um.. gift? hahahaha

12. Marshmallow berret
It's being offered by someone on multiply. It's so kawaii. White bow and everything.

13. Donate 1M
That's something I kinda got from my dad. I guess he's not all that bad. He used to say that he wished that someday he could write a check of that amount to donate, whether it be a church, ministry, or street children. He hasn't done it yet, but it has become my goal too. And not just that, I want to have a sacrificaly generous heart that would be able to give anytime anyone had the need. I haven't been that giving yet, and I'm hoping God would help me be that way someday, especially when I'm earning much more than I am today. I pray that my heart not be filled with greed, but that as my blessings increase, so do my givings.

Barfing albumin

Extremely weird experience last Sunday (Nov 29).

WARNING: Do not read if you can't handle slightly repulsive descriptions of bodily fluids and illness-related events.

I was coughing non-stop and was on the verge of vomiting with each cough, so I had to keep running to the bathroom. Ugh... I tried my best not to cough in church, but, alas, it was hopeless. 45 minutes into the service, the sticky feeling in the pit of my throat just wouldn't go away, so I had to go visit the sacred room and barf away.

Once I got home, still sticky and coughing. My eyes were tearing up due to the increasing intensity of coughs, but what else could I do? Refuse to cough? LOL Anyway, around 7pm, the coughing was abnormally frequent and painful and icky. I felt a sudden surge of fluid run up my esophagus, so I started running to the bathroom, trying hard to hold it in, but, sadly, it became one of my most embarrassing moments that thankfully no one got to see. Five steps away from the basin, I spew out this weird clear sticky substance that can be best descibed as egg white-like. I tried to hold it in my hands, but some of it fell on the floor. The rest of it came out in the basin. When I was cleaning up the mess I caused, I noticed the viscosity of the susbtance I had just expeled. It was beyond the typical phlegm. It was clear, held some sort a shape, just like albumin from freshly laid eggs. The watery counterpart fell in the basin.

It just baffled me. I wanted to take a sample for analysis, but even I thought that would just be way too bizzarre. Might have been partially due to the "saluyot" I ate for lunch. (Boiling saluyot results in a liquid with a texture similar to that produced by okra)

After the incident, my throat felt relieved. All the sticky feeling was gone. I was left with dry cough.

That incident will forever have a special place in my memories though. Barfing albumin.

Basic MRT Etiquette for Retards I

I was supposed to write "..for Dummies", but I realized that the people who don't have the common sense to get these kind of stuff in the first place are not worthy of the label "dummy". Calling them dummies would be a too much of a complement.

I've managed to master the art of MRT, and noticed some simple things people there don't have the decency to do. Most of my friends would argue that I lack common sense (ha ha. laugh it off, doy), but even I get these stuff. More so you guys.

Basic MRT etiquette NUMERO UNO:
When on the station's platform and the MRT arrives, please brace yourselves. As the automated doors open, please have the decency to set aside your savagely instincts and resist the urge to attack the efflux of exiting passengers. I'll give you one major reason why...

Passengers exiting the MRT have a certain destination, naturally. Unless, you're an MRT squatter or "adventurer". They only get off on a particular station, and once they miss their stop, they would have to wait until Taft (Shaw or Buendia, depending on where you're going) for the "turn around". Of course, that would probably result in double the time wasted.

Even if you, the person waiting on the platform, miss the MRT, you could easily get on the next one. Plus, if you really want to "sugod" the efflux of people, you could probably get jabbed or stepped on. And don't you dare scream or complain when that happens to you. You should have seen it coming. It's like scolding an incoming wave that you forcibly approached for drenching you head-to-toe.

So please, next time, make like the Red Sea, and separate (that sounded weird). I mean, stand on the sides of the door of the MRT and keep the space directly in front of the door opening clear. Let the everyone exit, before entering the vehicle. Unless you hear the alarm sounding, there is no reason to panic.

Relax lang. Don't worry, don't curry, don't be in a hurry. LOL

404 badoom

404 -- the most annoying three number combination.
666 actually seems more tolerable right now. :|

Before I start the incessant and incoherent rating, let us first look at the good old days that led to this unfortunate despise for those numbers.

I've wanted to become a real scientist/researcher since high school, and little by little it seems to be a feasible career option.

By definition, a researcher is some one who researches. Okay, redundancy.. :| But that's the simplest way I can phrase it, so everyone's pretty much a researcher. But I wanted to be like... a mad scientist.. Dr. Frankenstein-like. just kidding. :P I wanted to be a genetic engineer which is why I took BS Bio.

Anyway, since my graduation last April, I've been the unofficial research associate of my undergraduate adviser. I wanted to give my brain a rest for a semester so I just worked as a part-time RA in my alma mater and saved the MS headaches for the second sem. Part-time work = part-time pay, i.e. below minimum. I had nothing to complain about since my boss gave me Wednesdays off and at least, my travel expenses, which comprised a big chunk of my money efflux, were covered so I didn't have to depend on my parents for allowance. Supposedly, 65% of my income went to saving, but a girl's gotta live a little, right? So I ended up having around 40-50% left to deposit in the bank. Okay, fine, one time it was like 10%. What? It was an "emergency". LOL

My professor's current project will end this December, so that's also when my part-time RA gig would conclude. But wait... there's more! She pitched another related project to another institution and in her proposal she included the budget for 1 URA. I was super ecstatic when she asked me if I wanted to continue as an OFFICIAL URA! I wanted to jump and down like a silly little boy. hahaha To avoid confusion and aid you in understanding the sudden peak in my happy hormones back then, I'll explain what URA would imply. URA means university research assistant 1. The institute officially hires you as one of their own researchers and, though the compensation isn't too high, it is much much MUCH better than below minimum. Benefits and tax and all... Ugh... tax. There goes a third of my future salary. Oh wow, it landed on some small moled lady's pocket. How odd. :))

The proposal was approved and I was going to be officially unemployed soon! Wheeeeeee. BUT... I had to submit certain requirements to the head institution which included an NBI clearance, medical exam (blood test AGAIN?! *cringe*) , and civil service examination (CSE) among others. I had to complete the requirements preferably by December, January at most, because the research committee needed to meet about hiring researchers and budget stuff that December plus there was an election or hiring ban next March since election was coming up.

BTW, The CSE is a test people that intend to work in government or government-owned institutions must take. It's composed of different parts which include math, vocabulary, reading comprehension, the Philippines constitution, current events, etc. that come in 2 languages: English and Filipino (dun dun dun... dedo). It supposedly ensure the "quality of government employees". Pfft... They should make erap and edu manzano take it.

First, I needed to reserve a slot for the exam. It's first come first serve, so I was already staring at the computer by 12nn, constantly click the URL and waiting for link to open. The reservation comes once a month at most and usually lands on the 3rd Monday of the month. Reservations start at 1pm. By 1pm, when I tapped the link to reserve a slot, I kept getting the dreaded 404 Not Found error. Apparently, the large influx of users accessing the site was causing the error, so I had to keep clicking the URL. Frustration began to abound. I even asked Annie if I was the only one experiencing this error, but she said you just had to keep refreshing. She already got her slot at 1:05, and by that time only 80 out of 140 slots were left. Everytime... it was 404!!! She offered to help me my trying to refresh and register for me if she managed to penetrate the site. Eureka! I saw the heading of the reservation page start to appear. Oh wow... 120 seconds later... still the heading. I Ieft it to load but after 3 mins, still no progress. I opened another page, another 404!!! I was slowly dying inside. Suddenly, annie was asking me what my middle name was etc, the stuff needed to fill out the reservation form, so I was slightly relieved. She submitted the form and I was like all smiles and "yey"s, but then she said "wait..." Holy crap. I hate it when people say that after something seemingly positive. It's like telling a patient, "You don't have breast cancer. Wait... Sorry, apparently, it's brain cancer. You'll be dead in a week." She said... "Zero slots na daw." I wanted to sob, rip something, bite my nail off (okay, iew... that went too far). What the fudge?! No slots?! NOOOOOOOOO. This cannot be! My eyes were filling up with tears but I couldn't blink lest they start streaming down my face. Someone else was in the lab with me so I didn't want them to think I was some weirdo crying over some website. But... but... I was mad... then in denial. I didn't want to believe it was true. There goes the assurance of my URA position next year. Bye bye salary increase... Bye bye real job :(( I was dazed. Blank stare, eyes flooded with saline water waiting to spill.

I left the lab with a to try to call the office giving the CSEs and do some other stuff to keep me from dwelling on my slot loss. I got to call the head office and the clerk told me to just wait for their next announcements or wait for March exams. WTH?! March? I can't wait that long. I pleaded with the person on the other line, begging them, asking them if there was any possibility of getting slots or getting waitlisted for disqualified applicants. She told me that the slots they offered already included allowances, or slots that would "salo" if someone got booted. So, in other words, "go away. wag ka na makulit. wala ka nang pag-asa." *sigh* I had no other choice, but to wait for their next announcement. Maybe God really doesn't want me to be a URA.... is he punishing me or does me want me to do something else? I didn't know. I was and still am confused.

I've bookmarked the CSE website. Hope that by December, I'd get a slot for January, or better yet, by some miracle of God, a new December exam would open.

*sigh* *cough*

Contaminated

I can't believe I just got sick.

Okay. Fine. It's not like I'm some germ-free freak that doesn't get the case of the colds every so often. I get the whole sore throat package ALL THE TIME. Back in high school and elementary, I was known for my awesomely runny nose that was around all school year round. It's slightly disgusting but it was a distinguishing characteristic all right. I'd like to think that it was my version of the cute puppy with the wet nose. LOL

So what's the deal this time?

It's how I got it that's bothering me. So, here it is. I've been trying something new this week -- sleeping early. Like before 12mn. But grad school started this week too, so naturally, my professor gave us our first paper (on Tuesday) that we were supposed to discuss that Thursday. Wow. Talk about getting right down to business. Since this is grad school, I actually have to bust my bum twice, no, thrice as hard! So I actually read the paper and looked for other journal articles that Tuesday night. Met with groupmates the next day and decided on three related papers to report on since we were assigned the related lit (RRL) portion. So that Wednesday night, I was re-reading the main paper and tried reading some of the other papers we chose. I started yawning since I was slighty accustomed to my 10pm sleepy time. Naturally, sleep deprivation causes the brain not to function up to par, which caused my failure to comprehend the simplest of paragraphs. I had to go through them 10 times before I could get a hint. Other times, I just gave up and went on to read the next incomprehensible paragraph. By 2:30am, I just couldn't take it. Set my cellphone's alarm for 4am, but slumber was a dear friend whose company I could not reisist. My mom woke me up at 5 to go take shower and get ready to leave for school, so since I didn't get much work done, and only got through 1 of 3 articles, I had to bring my mac with me. Oh, this was also when the havoc started. I met the morning sun with an odd feeling in my throat and a few a-choos. Haven't had that in a while. Went on to bath etc etc. Fast forward to Friday morning. I woke up this time with a utterly familiar and oh-so dreadful symptoms of the disease. Leaky nose, sneezes every 20 seconds, and loud rough coughs that made others on the MRT start to cringe. Every gulp and swallow was making my throat bleed. Food was the enemy. I dared not even work with the cells in the lab, fearing that I might start another holocaust or cascade of various types of contamination. It just got worse.

This morning I woke up with a nonfunctional voice box. Not even a squeek. I guess my brother appreciated the silence and my inability to bicker. Finished more than a roll of tissue today.

Anyway, I blame sleeping early for my disease. I used to stay up til 4am and not feel the least bit sick, but NOOOOOOO my body clock suddenly underwent a series of events that led to my dependency on 6 hours of sleep. Now, I'm torn. Do I continue trying to sleep early or should I just go back to my old insomiac routine?

Oh, Blogger, if only you could talk... I mean, it's not that I would listen. LOL. nevermind. LABO.